The Stages of Attraction

Ah, love. Most readers enjoy a bit of romance or even romantic entanglement. They enjoy this because it reflects real life. Most people’s lives have some romance in them, and likes to see some romantic exchange in a novel. Romance, being (often) a big part of real life means it usually has a place in a novel. In order for a romance to be believable, it’s important to include subtle gestures and words to insinuate interest, flirting, desire and (gasp!) lust. We do this subconsciously in real life, so it stands to reason that it should be included in literature too!


Both men and women display different subtle hints that they are interested in someone. This list below is a general rule, and doesn’t mean that it applies to everyone. Some women may display subtle gestures from the men’s list, and vice versa. This list is simply to help the creative flow, and to maybe help notice if that special someone likes you back! 😉 giphy13

Female Viewpoint


  • Body posture stiffening and possibly a visible intake of breath
  • Glancing down or away only to look back
  • A smile that spreads when on is caught ”looking”
  • Angling one’s body towards the other person
  • Pushing hair back from one’s face (tucking behind an ear, etc.)


  • Asking about their interests and opinions
  • Leaning in or stepping closer, entering their personal space
  • Touching one’s face and hair while speaking
  • Varying the timbre of one’s voice to keep them listening
  • Fiddling with a necklace to draw their gaze there


  • Tilting the head to expose one’s neck
  • Lingering or suggestive touches (trailing fingers along their collar,etc.)
  • Gaze drifting between their eyes and lips
  • Wetting one’s lips
  • Trembling or one’s breath visibly hitching slightly


  • Yielding to their embrace, sliding arms around them
  • Vocalizing (breathing becoming rushed, emitting small moans or gasps)
  • Lifting one’s lips to be kissed
  • Touching their jawline, running fingers through their hair
  • Pulling at their clothes to touch their skin


Male Viewpoint


  • The body going still momentarily
  • Eye contact that sticks and then takes the whole body in
  • Shifting to display one’s chest and shoulders
  • Smiling and moving closer to engage
  • Placing hands near one’s pelvis (thumbs through belt loops, etc.)


  • Offering jokes and light banter
  • Asking questions that grow more personal
  • ”Accidental touches” (leg bumps, hand brushing, etc.)
  • Active listening, watching other person’s lips
  • Mirroring body language


  • A gaze that explores and suggests
  • Active touches (stroking the other person’s arm,cupping a chin) and direct eye contact
  • Erasing personal distance (taking their hands, pulling them close)
  • Increased swallowing
  • Lips that are slightly parted


  • Fumbling with clothing that feels restrictive
  • Pulling the person in to claim, body-to-body contact
  • Kisses that test, then deepen and grow more urgent
  • Vocalizing (heavy breathing, whispering one’s desires)
  • Cupping the person’s neck, hands carving through the person’s hair

I hope this will help with your character and writing creations!

This is how I show that I’m interested. Act fast though. before I eat it.



One thought on “The Stages of Attraction

  1. “The Stages of Attraction” interestingly simplified. It could be nice to give also a comparative summary table sampling male and female viewpoints and their visions with pictures.


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